The month of May has traditionally been full of activities, celebrations, and preparation for change. Amid all the end of the year parties, sporting events, awards ceremonies, banquets, and graduations, there is a special opportunity to acknowledge and honor our mothers and mother figures in our lives. For many of our families, this will be the first year to celebrate Mother’s Day since their loved one died. Some mothers are grieving the loss of their child, and anticipating what this day may bring. It is difficult to think about celebrating this day without our loved ones.
You may wonder:
- What is the best way to remember them?
- What traditions will be different this year?
- How will we honor them?
There is no right or wrong way to answer these questions. You may want to remember them by going to their favorite restaurant, cooking one of their favorite recipes, or watching one of their favorite movies. You may choose to forgo some of your Mother’s Day traditions or even create new ones. There are many ways to honor them on this special day and it is truly up to you and your family to decide what feels right for you.
Throughout the years, we have shared ways to support others as they navigate their unique grief journey and encourage families to work together to find what works best for them. We often talk about that the days leading up to “the day” can bring about a flood of emotions, and sometimes when the actual day arrives it is better than anticipated. Remember to give yourself permission to feel what you feel and seek support when you need it most.
A few years ago, in one of our adult groups we explored helpful things to say and acknowledge after someone has experienced the death of a loved one. The group contemplated what has helped them the most, what they might say to a close friend who had also experienced a death loss, and even what their experiences have taught them on this grief journey.
Here are a few words from our inspiring WARM Place mothers:
- “Find friends who are comfortable sitting in silence with you.”
- “Identify your triggers and tell people what you need.”
- “Find people who will say your loved one’s name and share memories of them.”
- “Let your body feel what it feels – cry, be active, process. Just let it be expressed.”
- “It’s okay to cry in front of your kids. Express yourself.”
- “At first, grief will be like a relentless tidal wave crashing over you and knocking you down. In time, the waves will get smaller. Rest – do not give up.”
- “Remember there are people who love you. There will be so many hurdles, but you will figure out how to survive. Keep moving.”
